I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
