i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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