I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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