i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
