but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
