I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
