Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
