it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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