Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
