dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this will be a night to untag.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
