it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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