toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We left an ass print on the piano.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
