You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
