i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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