i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
