waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
