I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
