The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The ass gains better be worth it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
