We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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