I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
