In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
