If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
