would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
