Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
