i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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