and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had to cum in my sink.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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