Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you would pick up someone in the library
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize