I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
