I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
