tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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