Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
