chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is Oprah even human
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
