his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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