Duck Duck Cougar?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
