I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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