it was like his penis was on wheels.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
