Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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