Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
