just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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