his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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