she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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