Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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