I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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