im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Small penises have feelings too.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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