I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
