It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You left your phone here
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