and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
