why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
