That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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