have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
