i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
