thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
