My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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