ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
