life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
