Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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