So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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