This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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