One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
