I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
