It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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