worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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