All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize