This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
