This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
