piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
