it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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